Friday, July 22, 2011

Insight

I found this blog in a round about way and so this post and the comments there. (Note: the whole feminism and quiet girls, or girly girls, is also something I've always pondered and may take up at some point.)
The comment that struck me was this:I may be introverted, but that doesn’t make me a push-over. Unfortunately, I have to get angry to make myself understood, otherwise people think that they can intimidate me into submission.I don’t think that I will ever see the day when quieter women will be taken seriously without having to growl and show their claws.
It made me think of not only my anger issues, but listening skills or styles. I tend to think everyone is like me, but more and more learning they aren't. In some ways, that's good. ;) It may be that the introverted, the quiet, the intuitive, listen differently than others. That seems to be reflected in other peoples posts about the value of this type of person even in regards to leadership. We may hear more, more nuances, more meaning of what's not said along with what is. We have a different level of listening, watching, thinking.
I should only speak for myself, but I wonder then if I then expect others to have the same skills and get frustrated when they don't. When they seem to miss the obvious. Because it isn't so obvious.
I then feel the need to shout. To get angry. To whine. To nag. Because then I am heard. Then they pay attention. It becomes a game and it's not a good game. And it only leads to more anger and the anger, of course, only affects me.
But I feel I've become trained. I don't like it. I'm afraid of it.
All the shouting and growling. What we are saying to everyone is listen.
Just listen.

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

So, Maybe I Do Get Something

"Everyone discusses my art and pretends to understand, as if it were necessary to understand, when it is simply necessary to love."

- Claude Monet

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Monday, July 11, 2011

Related to Drive

I had an interesting conversation with a parent at work today. She was asking about volunteer opportunities for her son. She was not only disappointed to learn it was too late for summer or even the rest of the year, but then even more disappointed to learn we only give our teen volunteers an hour a week. That wasn't enough for her. She also said that after school hours wouldn't work, what with all the activities and such going on.

We chatted about the current need for volunteer hours. It's required for some school organizations and other things. Volunteering is now one more thing to check off. There is no intrinsic anything in it. No sense of value in what they are doing and the choice of where to volunteer doesn't relate to what they value, but where and when they can go. Or where they can get the maximum hours with the least fuss.
I don't need to elaborate on how wrong I think this is or all the other ways it relates to the book. And such a contrast to this.
It's just sad.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Don't Show Me the Money

The third factor provides a context for the other two - Purpose.
People want to create something that betters the world and outlasts our lives. The most deeply motivated people, the most productive and satisfied, have a sense of purpose. The profit motive isn't enough.
There are three aspects to purpose.
1. Goals - in studies, for all age groups money is not the most important form of compensation. People want to work for organizations with goals to pursue a purpose and use profit as a catalyst rather than an objective.
2. Words - objectives should be in terms that reflect human needs. One way to gauge the connectedness worker feel is just to listen. Do they use "we" or "they" when referring to the company.
3. Policies - are how the goals are implemented. If the good becomes just one more thing to check off, intrinsic motivation turns into extrinsic motivation. One example given was if a company wants to have a policy of giving, the employees should determine the charity. The first thing that came to mind here was the United Way campaigns that seem to hold employees hostage to giving in almost every business including mine. While you can now chose which organization the United Way supports for your contribution, there is a sense of mandatory giving that irritates me. One more thing to check off. The money then magically disappears from your paycheck so you have no further connection with any good you are doing.
Part of our performance appraisal is now based on behaviors, things that might be intrinsic motivators for some have just been reduced to things that need to be checked off.
How important are "purpose goals" the intrinsic goals to improve lives, to learn and grow? It has been shown that those with extrinsic "profit goals" or money or fame don't become happier when their goals are reached but often suffer from anxiety or depression. They have what they want, may find then they need more and still don't have what they need. People with purpose goals who feel they are attaining them have high levels of satisfaction and well being.

So working as a public servant should have all this intrinsic motivation and purpose built in, but it doesn't. We are still a business and it seems many of our new ideas, procedures and so on come from business models. In skimming over many blog posts over the past several years, it seems I have been searching for a purpose and struggling with the actual work aspects of work for a long time. I've been trying to find that connection that may have been there once but isn't there now. I have been told often that I have high expectations, possibly too high relating to just about everything. I've been told I'm smart and see things others don't. I may be setting myself up for being let down often. How do I let all that go?
I recently read another book about intuitive children and one of the things this type of child needs is a sense of purpose, a connection to something bigger, sometimes something spiritual. More and more I see this is something I need and have been struggling to find. I do try to find it in my choice of work, but for some reason always end up feeling lost and let down. I could have been sabotaging myself because work is so structured to be externally motivating, or to the externally motivated, that I become disillusioned the by the very purpose that brought me to the work.
The next step may be to find more ways and to work harder at bringing that purpose back to what I do every day. It's hard. I've tried that off and on. But now I do see more clearly how it all works.
Or, of course, try again to find it someplace else.

I Know What I Like

I've always like the impressionists, almost all styles of the impressionists. I don't know when I became aware of them, I've never studied art, but I like the impressionists. Saturday I went to see Monet's Water Lilies at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art.
As much as anything, I've found it fascinating that this was the first time in 30 years these three panels designed to be seen together were together. Also interesting is that all three are owned by museums in the United States. So it was quite a unique and special experience in it's own way.
I was most surprised by the color palate. From a distance and especially in photographs the colors are beautiful but seem muted. Up close they are bright and vibrant and in tones and hues I never expected, not quiet neon, but amazing blues, greens and purples.
My friend said it was nice to share this experience. And it wasn't just we could share our thoughts, but nice to see other people there. Watch them. Some were sitting a long time. Some did the look from the back then move close, then back. Watch them talk. To me it was like the social experience of reading the same book at the same time. You can share what you thought and learn more by hearing what others think and even more happens when the separate thoughts of the two or more come together. Books and art, while read or enjoyed on an individual basis can be a unique shared experience. A social experience.

(No side comment about how we often don't discuss the book at Book Club. Book Club is more than that.)

It was also interesting how the museum had exhibits to add to the art. You could maybe even say the extras helped tell or extend the story of the paintings. There were x-rays so you could see the first brush strokes, the first ideas that were often painted over. There were early sketches which had so much more detailed plants and the bright colors were more predominate like several of those shown here. Interesting then how the style and process changed over the 11 years he spent on this triptych. Creativity is a process.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Insight

One reason it's hard for me to meet new people and make new friends is because I don't know what they want me to be and it takes a while to figure it out.

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Low Flow

Number 2.

Mastery - the desire to get better and better at something that matters.

And only engagement can produce mastery. And what leads to engagement - autonomy. See, it all works together.

This chapter was about flow. The topic of flow has shown up in many of the things I've been reading this last year. It's one of those things that's hard to describe but you know it when you are in it. It was in the happiness book. Children and the way they play are often used as an example of flow. It's an autotelic experience, an experience when the activity is it's own reward. In the state of flow the goals are clear, there is a challenge just a notch or two above your current ability, you are stretching your mind and body and you are in the moment. (The mindfulness thing there.) Flow can be facilitated by clear objectives and quick feedback, as in not yearly performance reviews.

There are 3 Laws of Mastery
1. Mastery is a Mindset. It is believing that intelligence isn't static but is something that can be increased. That gives you a desire to learn so you set learning goals.
2. Mastery is a Pain. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's just not fun but the effort means you care and are willing to work for it.
3. Mastery is an Asymptote. It's something you can approach but never fully reach. The joy is in the pursuit.

Lack of flow can lead to symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder. Where have I heard that term before. Could lack of flow be one of my triggers?

I wrote recently that I'm not a professional. If I look at that in relationship to this, it seems I have given up on trying to master my job. I do think I like learning, I like working at things that matter, but for some reason work doesn't matter that much. I want to do good programs for schools and have good customer service, but it's not about work, it's about me. I guess that means I'm still engaged in some way or maybe I just need to do something to get me through the day. To much of what I think about work has to do with compliance, not engagement.

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Automatons

Back to Drive and the first of the three things.

Autonomy - acting with choice

The most extreme form of autonomy is in a Results Only Work Environment or a ROWE. How, when and where you get your work done is up to the employee. Obviously, this won't work in my work situation, but I fear we are so far into standardization and top-down management that we have lost any sense of control in what we do. It has been shown that higher productivity, less burn out, and greater psychological well-being is the result of a work environment that allows for more self-directed work.
There are 4 Essentials:
Task - Is there time to work on your own projects? Something that interests you that you want to learn more about or try? A few companies have set aside 15-20% of employee time as free time to do just that and have found most of their new ideas and innovations come from that time.
Time - Without sovereignty over out time, it's nearly impossible to have autonomy. We should be able to focus on the work, not the time it takes to do it. Again, I understand why in my work situation I can't control all of my time at work and in fact we are supposed to have off-desk time to work, but what we work on is pre-determined. And while this didn't happen to all of us, all I can think of is the way we were to track our time and hit certain targets regarding how we spend out time. So many minutes in meetings and so on. Crazy. When I asked if we could vary from those goals if we were involved in big one time initiative, the answer was no. Again, this hasn't happened to all of us, but just knowing it was the big plan still makes me wonder about the control issues of management and that has led to some of my disengagement.
Technique - The example of control given was customer service call centers with scripts. While we don't have scripts and do have this thing called New Way of Thinking, there is a goal of standardization in all things and a sense of fear if we do the wrong thing, if our NWOT isn't their NWOT. We do have some control in the way we set up our displays and decorate our areas, but more and more is being determined but management.
Team- I found this very interesting. We are all about teamwork but the point the book makes is we don't get to choose our teams. In fact, branch staff seem to have less and less say in who they hire. It is all high stakes hiring done by a large group of must be involve upper management. We do all work on systemwide committees, but they often aren't our choice but what's available at the time or what fits in our schedule.

Obviously, in our organization we can't all do what we want, but I see a pattern of more and more control often under the heading of we have less money so more standardization is the answer. I wonder if that's really true. It's hard for me to feel accountable when I have no say in what I'm accountable for, it's hard for me to feel engaged if I don't feel I have a stake in what's going on. It becomes putting in my time.

Control leads to compliance, autonomy to engagement. Ah!

Mostly, though I'm worried for this reason. This seems to be making me less creative. When I do have the chance to do something for myself or am asked for a new idea, they aren't there anymore. Creativity needs time and practice as much as any other skill and the more time I spend on busy work or implementing other peoples ideas, the less I can think for myself or can find the spark I need to do the new and creative. I need that feeling and need to find it someplace else.


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Monday, July 04, 2011

Girly Girl Stuff

One of the things I wanted to do on my staycation was go to the mall and buy girly stuff. No matter what all the bleached blonde hair, pink and Hello Kitty stuff implies, I'm not one of the girly girl types as far as shopping, make-up, lotions and all that.

I did go to the mall sometime time ago and discovered some fun things and places and had decided to spend some money on some nice lotion. Organic and all that. I usually buy lotion, and makeup, at the big discount stores under $5 and with a coupon. But sometimes it's nice to be nice to yourself. So when an unexpected invitation to meet a friend for lunch came up, I suggest a place in the mall. Silly, on this crowed shopping weekend, but it gave me an excuse to be out for a while.
I went to LUSH and tried the samples and found something nice. It feels rich.
I have a Godiva Rewards card that gives you a free piece of chocolate each month, and decided on the key lime truffle for summer.
Because I was in no hurry I let myself be talked to by the SeaSecret nail lady. It reminded me I had one of the nail buffers bought while in a similar mood about 8 years ago when it was about $12 for a kit. The kit is now $69, but they will give you a second one for free. And so on. I can have fun letting salespeople go on and on with new deals knowing I'm not going to play their game. Even a $35 deal wasn't appealing. I did, however, go home and find my old, and it seems slightly different brand, nail buffer and now have nice shiny nails.
I do like things that sound natural, even if it may all be a sales pitch. One of the other things I wanted to do on the staycation was get a make over with Bare Minerals and last weekend a local place had a real inexpensive deal on a starter kit so I did that. It's nice stuff, just not sure yet if it's worth the long term expense.
Bought another $5 flower bouquet.
Also enjoying reading some girly fiction with art as a basis for the stories. Good timing Book Club. The one about Tiffany is interesting for the Tiffany, but the rest isn't as enjoyable as other books I've red by that author. Have started listening to the Monet one. A friend and I are working out plans to go see the exhibit of all three of the Water Lilies.